Tandem Hearts

Front page news!

2009-11-18T21:10:00.000-08:00

Our friends at Mongrel Studios think we're a spot of alright! That's why they put a little something about our project on their home page. Check out http://www.mongrelstudios.com to see for yourself!

With A Little Help From Our Friends

2009-10-10T02:43:00.000-07:00

Folks, if you're an avid reader of this blog (and let's face it, you're probably a cast or crew member if you are), it's high time you noticed a few changes floating around the Tandem Hearts blog. And no, we haven't managed to curb the flow of arrangements for human trafficking made via our comments section, but we have exciting new developments.

Specifically, our Facebook link actually goes somewhere, namely, our Facebook page. Won't you help a next-to-nothing budget feature film with a little promotion and go become a fan?

And let's not forget, for infrequently updated set production stills/pictures of pigeons, visit our Flickr site, which can be accessed by using the Flickr button or just clicking here.

See, Tandem Hearts is going places. We're gonna get by with a little help from our friends, we're gonna get high... uh, yeah. Probably by huffing gasoline fumes.

There and Back Again: A Cameraman's Tale Part I

2009-10-09T18:27:00.000-07:00

Now this is gonna be a long-ass post. So I decided to break it down into a part I and part II, for purposes of ease of reading, and the fact that I am so damn lazy.

But, let's flashback shall we? It's late September of 2009, the eyes of the nation turned to President Obama's G-20 address, thinking that the G-20 might be some sort of awesome new iPhone app, and The Black Eyed Peas' terrible pre-funking anthem "I Gotta Feeling" was at the top of the charts.

But none of those things seemed of concern to me. What I was worried about was, do we really need to go to Boise to shoot? There were plenty of rational reasons why we shouldn't have gone to Boise to shoot scenes.

1. It's a time-suck

2. It's a money-suck

3. It's Boise.

4. We could easily shoot in Portland (and surrounding areas) what we needed, and pass it off for Boise.

5. It's Boise.

Now Boise, derived from the French word bois, pronounced "boyz (in the hood)" or the French-Canadian pronunciation "boyz (II men)," means "tree" or "wood," hence Boise's nickname "City of Trees." You could see why I felt it wouldn't be a far stretch to shoot Boise-based scenes in Portland.

But my cold, calculated Spock-like logic meant nothing to Jon's play-by-his-own-rules James T. Kirk style of command. The man was insistent on going to Boise and there was nothing that would change his mind.

I should, at this point, note that despite the craziness that ensued in the following 48 hours, I had a fucking blast, and totally commend Jon for not listening to me.

Anyway, the crew convened at production HQ (aka wherever Jon is) around 8:00 PM on Friday the 26th. Our task was simple. Drive 430 miles, shoot as much as we could, then drive 430 miles back to be in Portland in time for a 6 PM shoot on Sunday the 28th.

As you can see from our itinerary below (click to view full itinerary), it might have been impractical, but at least we'd thought it through.

Naturally, we were off to a late start, leaving Portland around 9 PM. Johnny, Zach and myself took to Johnny's car while Jon, Quinn, Heather and her boyfriend Randy, jumped in Jon's Xterra. Everything was going fine, a little behind schedule, sure, but fine nonetheless.

Then we saw it. A disturbing and troublesome traffic notification that read: "Highway Closed Due To Car Crash. Mile Marker 336. Find Alternate Route." It was at this point, that we had to revise the itinerary. Please note the minor changes (click below).

Why did we revise the itinerary thusly? Find out next time on the not-so-exciting conclusion of There and Back Again: A Cameraman's Tale.

Idaho? You-da-ho!

2009-10-01T13:32:00.000-07:00

Oh man...where to start? I've had many wild road trips in my day, and considering this one was only two days long, it ranked up there among the more wild ones. Stuck behind hundreds of cars because of the dead cow, drinking beer and rapping in a stopped vehicle, getting to our hotel at 7:00 a.m. Idaho time, paying fourteen dollars for an omelet, meeting Farmer Brown, meeting his awesome dog, riding a mini-bike around the farm, manipulating a cat to be in our scene, driving Jon's car with a uhaul behind it on the way home, almost crashing head first into a semi, and stopping at every ridiculous little hole-in-the-wall convenience store along the way. All in all it was a good trip.

Boise

2009-09-30T04:39:00.000-07:00

It was apparent that our trip to Boise may be off to a rough start when my car would not start nearing our 8pm departure time. The second sign was when I realized I was leaving make up as well as some important equipment behind, and well the third was the carcass of what may have been a Cow or Buffalo strewn across I-84 forcing us to drink camo-miller high life cans of beer in Johnny's car while others slept in mine for 3 hours. We made the best of it, rap-battles and unrealistic plans for our escape around the ordeal. I think Jeff wanted to build wings with gaffer tape and feathers from the racing pigeons in the truck in front of us. This is after we shot down his blueprints for multiple mechanical devices that were mostly a series of pully systems, catapults and even a crane. Actually...I was the only one not to rap, but i do have some rapping skills .
Boise itself well...
It was quickly obvious that we could of captured most of this footage here in Oregon, however I have no regrets as expensive as the trip was, for Farmer Brown, his charming son, the Boise City footage somewhere on that 32mb card, the truck stop that sold weaponry, Red Lion, spending quality time with Jeff, Zach, Quinn, Johnny, Heather, and Randy.. and seeing them all naked..well it makes it all worth it and our film... all the more authentic. I only wish I'd brought a lens cloth...

Black Eyes on the Prize

2009-09-24T13:35:00.000-07:00

Tensions were running high last Thursday during a shoot where Quinn ... er, Paul (whatever) walked around the apartment aimlessly. For an extremely short scene, Jon, Quinn and I were feeling a tad discouraged by the fact that we had spent close to eight hours shooting, and we'd only really done one short sequence. That's when the expletives and slurs started flying.

It started with hurtful accusations, calling one another "jive," and "lame," and then it started getting ugly. Quinn called Jon a "honky," and when I laughed, Jon called me a "no-goodnik," I countered with "goy-toy," then Quinn threw down with "Jewbacca," to which Jon and I accused Quinn of being a "self-hating Scooby-Doo," before long, it wasn't hilariously archaic/made-up racial slurs we were exchanging, but fists, elbows and knees.

I wish I could say that was the end. But then Kat and Patrick showed up. Now Kat's been doing us a big-ass favor by coming to the shoots and in between discussing Batman: The Animated Series with Quinn, assisting us with make-up. As for Patrick, well, I'd never met the dude, but I'll tell you this much, he's a born fighter. After attempting to break up the fight, Kat and Patrick were drawn in after Jon made a disparaging comment along the lines of "Bruce Wayne licks balls" and I mentioned that "Clark Kent makes for a far deeper and more interesting character." When all was said and done we all had some nasty shiner going for ourselves. Click on the thumbnails below to see the photos.

Top row (from left): (Director) Jon Garcia, Quinn Allan (Paul), (Assistant to Mr. Quinn Allan) Jeff Hammond

Bottom row (from left): Kat (Make-up Artist), Patrick (Born Fighter)

Now some of those bruises might look a little fake, but really, would I lie to you? The answer, of course, is "yes, I absolutely would lie to you." See, Jon needed, for whatever reason, to learn how to apply black-eye make-up, and thanks to the magic of the movies, and Quinn's skillful application, we all left the location with fake bruises and went, where else? The strip cluurb.

We all quickly forgot that we were walking around with fake shiners, so people passing us threw odd looks our way, inciting my ire. Thus I risked getting real black eyes, since, had I actually attempted to fight anyone, I would have had my ass handed to me given I have the strength and fortitude of a terminally ill 8-year-old.

Well, that's all for now, stay tuned for something of vague interest ... (no promises)

Friday September 11th, 2009 - "Hawthorne Strip"

2009-09-12T18:57:00.000-07:00

As this is only the second feature film I've had the pleasure to act in, there are many opportunities for unusual precedents to be set. Last night was one of them. Ne'er before have I had the opportunity to shoot a scene involving a strip club. The Hawthorne Strip here in Portland was kind enough to let us use their fine establishment for a scene in Tandem Hearts. The experience included, but was not limited to, enjoying the show while the rest of the cast and crew arrived, sharing a cramped and dimly lit dressing room with a stripper, trimming my beard in the street, propositioning the girls to be extras and curse out one of the actors in the scene, and of course speckling our production with the color of the average nigh time city folk of Portland who love to scream things at our cameras as they drive/bike/walk by. That's probably as crazy as it got, although we did have a few rounds after we wrapped so maybe Jon went crazy and tried to accost the stripper with the fire coming from her nipples with money. I don't really remember.

-Q.A.

Indie Filmmaking: Forcing Innovation, Whether We Like it or Not

2009-09-10T01:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Jon, Quinn and I jumped in Jon's car, threw the tandem bike in a rented Uhaul trailer, and commenced a variety of disastrous attempts to shoot footage, from the aforementioned trailer, of Quinn riding the bike.

After the hellish and unsuccessful ordeal, we opted to shoot out of the side of Jon's car on the oh-so smooth Hawthorne Bridge using a special set-up.

Lacking money and crew forces innovation (see fig. 1a ... okay just see below). Sure, for some innovation might be saving the environment or curing cancer, for me, innovation usually amounts to devising a means by which to tend to my bikini line by using my roommate's electric razor in the shower without electrocuting myself.¹

But yesterday, innovation meant hanging someone else's $3000 camera out the window of a moving automobile, using loosely attached and precariously placed bungie cords, during rush hour traffic in a major metropolitan city ... wow, when you actually read that, it almost seems as though my ideas of innovation are totally asinine ...

Anyway, big props to Quinn for being such a goddamn trooper and biking back and forth across the bridge while his muscles ached, and angry drivers hurled obscenities and blunt objects.

¹ For the record, I've yet to figure it out. But, if you're gonna try, you better have a damn good excuse when your roomie finds you in the bathroom, unconscious on the floor, and totally naked but for a thin pair of yellow rubber custodial gloves.

The Cast of "Tandem Hearts"

2009-09-07T19:46:00.000-07:00

Seeing as we began principal photography back on August 23rd or so, it would seem that this post is looong overdue. Indeed, I couldn't agree more. However, due to the undoubtedly low volume of readership, let's just say there wasn't much of huge demand for it. But now you have it. This is our wonderfully talented, endlessly patient, cast. Scroll down to read more about the talent that brings the Portlanders of Tandem Hearts to life.

(Note: parts of these actor bios may be entirely fabricated due to blogger incompetence)

Quinn Allan has two loves in the world: Dr. Pepper and Johnny Depp, but as far as I know, he's only had the opportunity to put his mouth on one of them. When he's not busy looking like a young Al Pacino in front of the camera, Quinn enjoys pensively leaning against metal support beams.

Heather Harlan was initially drawn to the project when Tandem Hearts was in its early stages, then still conceptualized as an independently funded fan film trilogy based on the 1980s detective series T.J. Hooker. She was reluctant to take the role of Ramona until (director) Jon Garcia agreed to include a scene in which her character shoots up a room full of crooked federales.

Stephanie Blair was raised by polar bears, has her Juror's Doctorate from Harvard Law, and is a staunch proponent of animal rights. Specifically the right for animals to marry one another. Her adopted parents (or as she likes to refer to them, "bearents"), were able to marry at a ceremony in the Southern Arctic after Stephanie's groundbreaking lawsuit, Blair v. the State of Alaska.

Nick Ferrucci first came to prominence in the 1980s after starring in films such as Top Gun, Rain Man, and Born on the Fourth of July. He has been romantically linked with such superstar actresses as Mimi Rogers, Nicole Kidman, and Penelope Cruz. Nick currently lives with his wife Katie Hol — wait, scratch that ... I was thinking of Tom Cruise.

Tom Stutzman's eyes glow an eery crimson if ultraviolet light is shined on them. He claims that his lighting fast reflexes, killer instincts and infrared vision are a result of top-secret government super-assassin experiments performed on him. Tom is so good at his job that he is standing right behind you and you don't even realize it.

Rebecca Teran is the world's greatest jewel thief and is wanted in nine countries. For some reason, she has regularly insisted on shooting scenes near banks and jewelry stores. She has evaded the FBI, Interpol and state police by exploiting her mutant X-gene, literally morphing her physical features and voice box à la Mystique.

Cassie Skauge is from the future. She returned to our time to warn of the impending machine uprising/apocalypse by a super computer born of a sentient version of iTunes. As a result, she is distrustful of the recommendations made to her by Amazon.com's "You might also like ..." function that is activated whenever she purchases a book or CD.

Matt Dieckman doesn't get mad ... he gets even.

Teaser Posters Uno y Dos

2009-08-29T18:41:00.000-07:00

UPDATE: Both teaser posters for Tandem Hearts have been posted. Click each for a higher resolution.

first blog

2009-08-27T01:56:00.000-07:00

I'm watching kill bill right now..

k bye

Introductory Test Post

2009-08-05T01:51:00.001-07:00

This is an introductory test post to the Tandem Hearts production blog. Come here to see the latest breaking news on your favorite Portland-based, currently in production, micro-budgeted, Jon Garcia-directed feature film starring tandem bicycles and relationship drama (the others simply don't hold a candle).

Sure, latest breaking news may mean seven or eight months after we've wrapped principal photography, exclusive set photos might just be crude renderings of rare South American primates pleasuring themselves made via MS Paint, and insider-info could end up being the names and addresses of film festival judges who refused to accept Tandem Hearts into their fest, but only time will tell.

So wadda ya say? Wanna know more. I know I sure as hell would. If only for the pictures of Colombian Spotted Macaques getting nasty (no guarantees on that).